Requests v. Demands.

Recently, while talking with a friend, she noted that I do not make demands. We were on g-chat, so I lost inflection, and being really paranoid, thought that she was leaning towards an accusatory lament that I don’t stick up for myself or something like that. This was not the case, thank goodness; she was merely observing that I do not make demands frequently. Once I recognized and sequestered my shit instead of projecting it on her, I was able to process through why I felt defensive. [Reason: I've had to defend myself from accusations of being "too wishy-washy" or "not assertive" multiple times before.] What follows is an attempt at a solidified version of that defense. Read the rest of this entry »

Wardrobing.

I’ve started moving more and more towards wearing garments almost exclusively engineered for phenotypical men. My closet overfloweth as I try to keep a burgeoning male wardrobe next to my stagnant female wardrobe. My necktie collection has gotten out of hand. Read the rest of this entry »

Glitter.

Part of me always knew what I was missing out on with the whole glitter thing. Shiny bits of joy and light glinting in the sunlight or harsh fluorescents, depending on where I was at school.

But for the longest time, glitter was one of my biggest fears. Read the rest of this entry »

Metaphor Explained: Friend Food Pyramid, &c.

I’ve picked up some new terminology from a co-worker who called herself a “sometimes food” in relation to most students’ lives. I picked it up and ran with it, and took it farther than I think she ever thought it should go. It has developed quite well in my mind, and definitely meshes well with my conceptualization and understanding of Gestalt-y/ emotional intelligence/ polyamory/ interpersonal blahblah  sorts of things. It’s a useful metaphor not only for myself, but also for others, when I try to explain some of the Gestalt-y/ emotional intelligence/ polyamory/ interpersonal blahblah. Read the rest of this entry »

The Trifecta + Drag + Church Update.

I haven’t really felt compelled to write, recently. I haven’t felt compelled to write, or to draw, or to take pictures. I normally would like to be doing at least one of those things [nevermind my ability to commit appropriate resources thereto], but lately I’ve been feeling rather lackluster towards any of my more creative endeavors. Read the rest of this entry »

Happy Steaksgiving! and Tattoo Season.

Today is Steaksgiving at my family’s home. My sister is staying up at her university for today, to see a big rivalry game. She’ll be back in town tomorrow, so we’re going to do Thanksgiving then. Today, I’ll grill with my father, and sew with my mother, and drink beer and watch Bond movies with the both of them. It’s going to be delightful.

I’m working on another blog, a much more frustrated one. It’s not done yet, and I figured that today would not be a good day to air it even if it were finished. I know that it’s been ages since I wrote here last. I don’t know what to say, other than when the spirit has moved me, I’ve been too exhausted to even type. Which is kind of pathetic. But now I’m on a forced holiday, since there aren’t any students at the school, and have regained a bit of my verve.

As the title implies, tattoo season has come. It’s finally consistently cold enough to ensure that I won’t be going diving. And since I’m not much one for hot-tubs, there’s little chance that any part of my body will be submerged in water for quite some time.  I’ve been thinking a lot about getting more tattooing done, since more than a year ago.

I thought about getting a tattoo in London, as a sort of permanent souvenir, or at least as permanent a souvenir as one can get. But prices were somewhat prohibitive and I was going through a period of rapid personal change, so I wasn’t sure that whatever I’d get would be something that I’d want further down the road. Since then, I’ve been thinking about tattoos a lot, and will hopefully get another one soon.

I may or may not update this thing when I figure out what I’ll get and where. We’ll see. Either way, that ramble, the grumpy one, will be up soon.

Towing: a Story.

Rehearsal had been going well. I’m kind of slow when it comes to picking up choreography, so I was really pleased that we’d knocked out most of the moves for “Sh-boom” as performed in Crybaby. I ran down to my car to grab my Drag Bag, which had a CD so that we could bring the music to the open-mic drag show we’d be performing at. I ran back upstairs. Read the rest of this entry »

Bate, bate.

Uno, dos, tres, cho- Uno, dos, tres, co- Uno, dos, tres, la- Uno, dos, tres, te. Bate, bate, cho-co-la-te!

Things are still stirring. They’re no longer in a really-overwhelming state of constant extreme turmoil/upheaval/explosion, but they’re definitely still shifting around. I’m still experiencing things that throw me ever-so-slightly off of my stride, that require me to make those little adjustments on-the-spot that will eventually become habit. I could totally both whine a whole lot about that and blow my wad prematurely regarding a potentially-really-neat stirring, but I’m sure that you’re sick of the former and I’m still holding out on the latter. Therefore, instead, it’s gender-rambling time! [Because somehow there's not enough of that on here. Or whatever.] [Also, salient/pertinent things kept happening as I delayed publishing this post, which explains the length.]

Read the rest of this entry »

Approaching Equilibria.

Things are starting to calm down, sort of. Or are at least gearing up to calm down. I think. Maybe. Read the rest of this entry »

Coping Mechanism: Cycle Commute Pondering Time.

Alright, so cycling to work has been awesome. It’s let me work on my legs, which I’m pretty sure I’ve been neglecting for what seems like years [which has probably been actually about eighteen months, max]. For the first couple of weeks of cycle-commuting, my legs would start burning after just a couple of miles, as if battery acid were coursing just underneath my skin. Now, my legs tire less easily [if even slightly so]. I have started to feel less-worn after my commutes, to bounce back more quickly and completely. I find myself wanting the ride; this weekend, I wanted the ride by mid-Sunday, and was sad I didn’t have work to ride to [or free time to take a ride] on Monday, and was almost-mad that I had to drive in today [to make it to other engagements after work on time].

But cycle-commuting has more than just positive physical externalities [ha] for me. Cycling to work gives me between twenty and thirty minutes of time for whatever thinking I’d like to engage in. No music, no phone, no others to talk to [except for quick "heys" said to other passing cyclists and walkers/joggers]. I used to have regular commutes that ranged between forty-five and seventy-five minutes that I took in my car. I can confidently say that I could not reliably think as much as I do now during those lengthier commutes, probably due to distractions [music, mobile phone, passengers].

The commute time is my own personal time, where I haven’t anyone else to focus on. I can think about whatever I’d like to during the rides, even if that whatever is actually nothing. I’ve thought about lots of innanities. I’ve thought about plenty of hefty things. [The $64,000 Questions don't stop coming, don't stop jockeying with each other to occupy my mind for stretches of time, stretches of road; from 49th to Nasco, all along Shoal Creek, between stopsigns, during those laps I take when the thoughts won't loose their visegrip hold.]

More about this later, as Cycle Commute Pondering Time makes more headway on my innanities and my $64,000 Questions.

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