There’s a reminder that I heard a lot at the school while I worked there [I suspect that I'll be back there once the new school year kicks off]; transition periods are hard. For some students, that meant Mondays after returning to campus from a weekend at home. For others, it was time spent in transit or switching from one activity to another. Regardless, some students require what is politely deemed “more support” during transition periods. This extra support can range from leading a student through processing hirs feelings [without explicitly naming the processing as such, since many students are reticent to use coping mechanisms that are openly labeled as such], to lowering expectations, giving more time to transition, and being generally more understanding of any irritability or anxiety on the student’s part. Sometimes we all need “more support”.
I feel as though myself and everyone around me are all going through transitions, and I have to remind myself that there actually is a really good reason for me to be stressed out. A really good reason. I seem to be able to remind myself that others are dealing with changes or new situations, but stall out on the slack-giving when it comes to myself. I get frustrated very quickly when I notice that I’m indulging all sorts of weird coping devices and mechanisms; the rearranging, reorganizing, the compulsive skin-picking, everything. I have to constantly tell me to back off of my own case, repeating that I am in a situation that is extremely transitional, even though it might not seem that way. You know what people say, about one being one’s own worst critic? I’m beginning to think that sometimes that is true for me.
I’m still grappling with limited employment, which is starting to get really frustrating. Some of my friends are also dealing with being transitionally unemployed. Some of my friends are dealing with moving, and with starting relationships, and ending relationships, and changing the nature of relationships, and all of that sort of stuff. I can’t imagine taking any more transitions on top of my current unemployment.
In other, only-vaguely-transition-period-related news, Freakshow a Go-Go: Austin was last weekend. It was amazing. It was… mindblowing. The Cuntry Kings from Durham, N.C. totally blew my mind with both of their pieces. They did an animal liberation piece to “Survivor”, and a very smart, neat critique of the medico-industrial complex to “Girl”. I talked to one of their kings after the show a wee bit about the “Girl” piece, and we hit it off. I hope that we can be friends. I also really enjoyed the stylings of the folks from Portland, especially the not-traditionally-trained dance company Untrained, I. They were amazing. The Kings N Things piece ["Hi" by Psapp] went over quite amazingly well. Queer Across Texas did an amazingly choreographed and hilariously-executed bit to “The Bigger the Figure”. The organizing group [Austin Drag Collective] did a great intro piece that framed the rest of the show quite well. Everyone else [who I cannot possibly hope to name this late in the evening without my program handy] also completely and utterly freaking slayed.
Of course, as all of the visiting kings prepared to leave, the piece of me that is constantly seeking others’ approval and intellectual engagement kicked in. As they left, I began desperately grasping at reeds, and I’m afraid that I’m pulling those reeds up by their roots. I have a problem with presenting myself in the way that I’d like to be perceived, and am afraid that yet again I’ve managed to frighten off potential friendships and learning opportunities. It is interesting to hear the rashly-emotional side of me duke it out with the “emotionally-intelligent” [in a Gestalt sort of way] side of me. It isn’t like I can move freely in time and change what I did, at this point, so I’m trying not to fret about it. I’m trying to just observe my actions and think about where to go next to make my intentions totally clear and to encourage honesty with myself.
self-reflectiveness: | more easily said than done, | like so many things
