Things are starting to calm down, sort of. Or are at least gearing up to calm down. I think. Maybe.
Drag Kings: the Musical 3 opened last night. We slayed. It was amazing. I definitely enjoyed the experience of performing in an explicitly selected transmasculine setting and being recognized for/by my performance of transmasculinity. I was mostly worried about technical aspects of the show; I am in about half of the show, and there are some quick changes that need to happen in there. However, everything was pulled off without much of a hitch last night, which means that we can do it again tonight and tomorrow night. Most of the troupe thinks that I’m insane for being in so many pieces [and I won't try to dissuade anyone from that notion], but there is definitely a comfort and familiarity in being so overloaded with things that I love, with scrambling hecticly backstage to make it into my next costume and apply facial hair and look like I know what I’m doing. I’ll admit that I’m a stress junkie, especially with jank-ass theatre. And although it’s nice to be so involved, it’s also really nice to know that this will all be done in thirty-six hours, that only ephemera will remain as evidence of this massive effort.
Parts of work are settling into unsettling routines. The student that needs the most behavioral support in my classroom has had a hard week, and we suspect that things might get worse before they get better. Most of my co-workers are awesome and amazing, though apparently some of my co-workers are not addressing issues that they have with me to me, and instead are addressing them to other co-workers and my supervisor. And because this is all being filtered through those other co-workers and my supervisor, the issue-holders’ identities [I'm assuming there's more than one, as has been implied to me] are still anonymous, which means I can’t address them directly to ask them to address me directly. [Still following? Good.]
I’ve spent a good amount of Cycle Commute Pondering Time, especially the rides home, thinking about office politics. I like to be genial with everyone and try to maintain good relationships with all of my co-workers, including the ones that I differ greatly with on ideology and goals. I’m hoping this will be possible. However, every time I devote energy to thinking about office politics [usually from work until my short stint on 2222], I conclude that office politics are much more interesting for me when I observe them, rather than when I participate in them. Because seriously, folks, is there anyone more awkward and less politically adept than myself?
On the other hand, parts of work are awesome. Like the number of Burners on-campus, who talk about Burner things [tents and art pieces and who's going up when and coming back when and did you see that one guy?] during lunch period, while helping students stab little pieces of well-rounded nutritionally-balanced meals with their forks. Like the number of GL employees and GL-friendly employees. [I still haven't encountered any explicitly-identified B or T employees. Granted, I'm not seeing a big queer presence, but I might just be looking in the wrong places. Or, I might be appropriating folks' identities; I'm sure that everyone sees me as a lesbian/dyke, and I might be oversimplifying others' queer identities in the same way that mine is simplified.]
The relationship that I mentioned earlier as having changed forms/energies has changed yet again, has swung back towards what it was [though, of course, it won't be the same, what with the whole mono no aware business]. I’m waiting to see where equilibrium will be for this relationship, as I suspect that failing to pay attention to where equilibrium might be [among other things on my part] is what led to the previously-mentioned ending. We’ll see what happens.
So, for now, consider my bootstraps grabbed and my emotional state de-escalated or returned back to a space that is closer to the familiar and ordinary for me or whatever. Consider all that done quite some time ago- a week? A week and a half? Two weeks? Something like that. I told you I’d get it done.
